Cesca's Last Day

The moment is etched on my psyche
Indelible, indescribable
The calm thought ‘I hope he stops’
Replaced by a scream I do not hear
That resonates in the evening air
And calls friends from afar to my aid
Time slows down and a myriad thoughts
Tumble through my stunned brain.
Strange one’s like ‘I remember diving like this
Over armchairs at school onto mattresses’
Finally I land, decades later
Crumpling into a ball on the warm tarmac.
Rising I look for Cesca and see her lurching from
The ditch and galloping away. I think ‘she may be okay’
I try to walk after her
I want to be with her
But everything goes grey and I sit down.
All is clear to me how I should behave
I should be still, wait for the medics
But all I want to do is comfort the poor dumb animal
Who will not understand the pain.
I recollect my son and cross the road to be with him.
I need to show him I am alive, virtually unscathed
It all goes grey again and I sit down.
Later I discover the truth about Cesca and am
Driven miles in the night to say good-bye to her
It is the saddest night of my life.
I am told he had a choice
And he chose to hit the horse.
I hate him for his crassness, his stupidity
And how in a moment he has changed me completely and irrevocably.
I am haunted by the images of a total stranger plugging her
Gaping wound with the family’s bath towels for two hours
Waiting for the vet and transport to arrive.
Her life’s blood pouring onto his lawn.
Months later I feel ready to move on, I fetch the saddle
It still has blood caked on it. I enter the stable and her
Last meal is still waiting for her.
She was the gentlest creature, I wish …